Sucky
I've been thinking since yesterday, I feel like quitting this job and get another one. It can be really pathetic, earning only $100++ a month. They can't even schedule me to work more even when I requested them, as there is only a limit of people they need and there are like 4 part timers. If I were to work full time, they have no need to work already.. This sux big time.
Yesterday was Father's day however we celebrated my cousin's birthday instead. The same happens every year, I just didn't like to hang out with this side of the family as the way they treat me, always makes me feel inferior and they always make fun of me. Though I know they are joking but it just didn't feel alright at all. =( Bleah! This side of the family, always treat me and my brother like some maid or something. Only we get called to clean up the house, only we get to help with preparations for cooking. The others just wait for us to get things done.
I just really wonder what's up with mother. After school ended, I say if I can rest for awhile before going to work at my Godfather's clients place, as I wasn't sure if any of the university will accept. She say no problem, looking after me for a few months don't mean anything, since she's been doing so for the past 20 years. Then during that time, I went out almost everyday but seriously I was only shopping for prom. She got angry at me for going out and not finding a job. So I went to look for one and took a little longer as I was looking for the distance from home to work. She complained that I was too choosy. Then finally I found a job, she said I'm stupid as I need to buy uniform and I signed a contract. She wants to find a part time job, I helped to ask, she complain that the distance is too far.. I mentioned I wish to get married by 27 and that next time if I were to have kids, I want to look after them, maybe I'll work part time or work from home. She ask me why I go university?
What does she wants from me? Fine! I'll work for my education, I don't need her to support me! As long as I have $100 for my eating and transportation, I can survive (I've been doing that since poly, only $100 allowance a month), the rest I'll be able to save to pay my school fees after the study loan!
When people got offered by any university, usually people will be happy for them. But my relatives? Why don't you go work first, get the company to sponsor you. Or work a few years, earn enough money, go overseas to further your studies. Go sign on to any government work.. All those really discouraging words, so I'm really wrong to pursue my studies. So I should work first. So I should be a teacher or police.. Then even if I get a job not to my liking, not to my passion, it's ok as money is more important. I wonder if someday I managed to have a high paying work and I quit just to be a dolphin trainer, will they puke blood?
So it is wrong to pursue my dreams, it is wrong to be myself. I should be someone everyone wants me to be. Suddenly I just feel like dying, there's really nothing in this world that is worth my presence.. Hmm.. What if they say I wasted their money all these years. Maybe I should start earn money to repay my parents then go die?
Yesterday was Father's day however we celebrated my cousin's birthday instead. The same happens every year, I just didn't like to hang out with this side of the family as the way they treat me, always makes me feel inferior and they always make fun of me. Though I know they are joking but it just didn't feel alright at all. =( Bleah! This side of the family, always treat me and my brother like some maid or something. Only we get called to clean up the house, only we get to help with preparations for cooking. The others just wait for us to get things done.
I just really wonder what's up with mother. After school ended, I say if I can rest for awhile before going to work at my Godfather's clients place, as I wasn't sure if any of the university will accept. She say no problem, looking after me for a few months don't mean anything, since she's been doing so for the past 20 years. Then during that time, I went out almost everyday but seriously I was only shopping for prom. She got angry at me for going out and not finding a job. So I went to look for one and took a little longer as I was looking for the distance from home to work. She complained that I was too choosy. Then finally I found a job, she said I'm stupid as I need to buy uniform and I signed a contract. She wants to find a part time job, I helped to ask, she complain that the distance is too far.. I mentioned I wish to get married by 27 and that next time if I were to have kids, I want to look after them, maybe I'll work part time or work from home. She ask me why I go university?
What does she wants from me? Fine! I'll work for my education, I don't need her to support me! As long as I have $100 for my eating and transportation, I can survive (I've been doing that since poly, only $100 allowance a month), the rest I'll be able to save to pay my school fees after the study loan!
When people got offered by any university, usually people will be happy for them. But my relatives? Why don't you go work first, get the company to sponsor you. Or work a few years, earn enough money, go overseas to further your studies. Go sign on to any government work.. All those really discouraging words, so I'm really wrong to pursue my studies. So I should work first. So I should be a teacher or police.. Then even if I get a job not to my liking, not to my passion, it's ok as money is more important. I wonder if someday I managed to have a high paying work and I quit just to be a dolphin trainer, will they puke blood?
So it is wrong to pursue my dreams, it is wrong to be myself. I should be someone everyone wants me to be. Suddenly I just feel like dying, there's really nothing in this world that is worth my presence.. Hmm.. What if they say I wasted their money all these years. Maybe I should start earn money to repay my parents then go die?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home